Reality of Pet Proportions

By Tricia Gillespie

My dog is many things:

She is a pain in my rear – BIG pain.

She is a food thief.

She is a laundry lifter.

She is a mailman hater.

She is a butt-sniffing, shoe-biting, smelly beast.

She is a climb-up-into-your-lap-and-throw-her-arms-around-your-neck-for-a-kiss kind of dog.

But the thing that really bothers me…

The thing that requires intervention…

The thing that makes me scratch my head in wonder…

The thing I’m most ashamed to admit…

My dog is a HOARDER.

I didn’t think you would believe me, so I attempted to photograph her kennel, the ‘box’ as we call it; however, shame overwhelmed me.  I’d rather show you a picture of my son’s room on a bad day in the dark month of May.  I’d rather show you an up-close-and-personal photograph of the backseat of my car in all its crushed cracker, mud-laden, trash-drifted glory.  I’m sad to think I’ve allowed a member of my family to get so out of control, become so compulsive, live in such disarray, but I’m obviously a mommy failure of pet proportions.

At this moment Oriona the hoarder has the remains of a full roll of toilet paper, a package of once-unused coffee filters, a knit winter cap, two logs, one glove, and an assortment of unidentifiable objects that I presume are garbage. Oh, let us not forget the scarf that I crocheted in a moment of creative passion after reading an issue of Martha Stewart Living.  That’s in there too, but it is dead.

My Dog The Hoarder will air Tuesday’s at 9 p.m. on TLC, Eastern Standard Time.

See you then.

Bio:  Tricia Gillespie, the pet enabler, lives on The Domestic Fringe with her husband, two kids, one fish, and a lizard.  She has fond memories of her loveable trash-collecting dog, Oriana.  Unfortunately, due to extreme health issues in her family, the dog is now hoarding in another family’s home.  She writes about her adventures in life on her blog, thedomesticfringe.com.  Come visit and find out what Hot Shot the Fish and Slippy the Lizard are doing these days.  And, she’s only kidding about the TLC special. 

Catfish

by Lisa Dovichi

It's a known fact that cats hate water.

Right?

Well, mostly, but there is always an exception to the rule. And then there was Mr. FlufferNutters. A twenty-three pound Maine Coon who didn't just like water. He lurved it.

You could not run water. Period.

That cat would streak through sprinklers; hop into a shower; cannonball into a bath; pounce into a sink; jump into the washer; kamikaze dive into a toilet. If it was a container filled with water, Mr. FlufferNutters would find some way to contort and fit his massive body into it. I kid you not, it was a match of speed to use the toilet. Sometimes we'd win and sometimes we'd be knocking on the neighbors' doors to use theirs. Trust me when I tell you that you never want to make a twenty-three pound fluff ball of teeth and claws angry by trying to remove him from his water.

He could and would share if the water source was big enough. There were many a baths interrupted when he'd come in from outside and realize where I was. There's nothing like eau de cat bathwater to make you go for a shower afterwards, let me tell you. And nothing like the looks on neighbors' faces when you show up at their door wrapped in a towel, asking to use their shower. You did NOT drain the tub before his majesty was ready.

If we hadn't already built Mr. FlufferNutters a rep with all the trips to the neighbors he'd really have gained infamy when a neighbor tried to chase him off his lawn with a garden hose. The disbelief on the neighbor's face when Mr. FlufferNutters stopped, dropped, and rolled around under the deluge of water, purring, was priceless. The cul-de-sac still reminisces about that to this day.

It was theorized that maybe Mr. FlufferNutters thought he was a catfish. It's hard to say what went on in that kooky cat's head but I know one thing. He was the best cat I'd ever had and even now, when I take a relaxing soak in the tub with candles and a good book I miss the heavy thudding of his paws as he ran hell bent across the tiles to launch his mass into the tub and have a relaxing soak too.

Lisa lives in Livermore, CA with her husband, three children, and Jack the Beta fish. She works from home as an artist and web designer. In her dwindling spare time she changes diapers, experiments with food, crochets, and watches bad movies on Monday night with her husband. To get more Lisa visit: www.meltingbeforeyoureyes.blogspot.com.