Mall in a Pocket

by Jeanette Levellie




When we flew to California recently, I poked into the seat pocket in front of me and found treasure: a magazine full of unique items you’d never buy unless strapped to a seat thirty six thousand feet up and bored. I am not a shopaholic, but these inventions had me wishing I had a third job.  

A cushion keeper to store all my outdoor cushions and pillows in one place: only $119.95. Oh, yes. I was telling my husband last week how devilish a chore it is to keep track of those pesky outdoor cushions and pillows that scatter themselves across the lawn and patio. This little storage unit, complete with handles and wheels, is the perfect solution. We’ll have to get rid of one of our cars to make room for it in the garage. But at least our cushions will be stored and shielded.

A money sorter that loads up to 130 bills and counts over 1,000 per minute: only $199.00. I have been worried about the problem of making money faster than I can count it. This is the solution to my problem of all those fifties and hundreds flying every which way as I try to count them.

A telescoping chandelier duster: only $149.00 for the basic set, which comes with five cleaning attachments and a handy carrying case. The chandelier in my guest bathroom is the dustiest it’s been in weeks, and my downstairs maid will be thrilled with this addition to her cleaning kit. I may even splurge and buy the ostrich duster head for only $24.50 extra.

An eight-color write-on mural of the world: only $149.99. It covers 9’ by 13’ of wall space, but I’m sure Grandma won’t mind if we take down her oil paintings, and Mr. Kinkade’s print can be hung in the back bedroom. I have always wanted to have a map of the world I can write on, and this one comes with a dry erase marker for hours of educational fun. You may hang the panels as one piece or individually, in case you just want to write on Antarctica, not the whole globe.

A marshmallow shooter: only $24.99. Shoots mini marshmallows over 30 feet. Unlike inferior marshmallow shooters, this baby comes with and LED light that aids in locating your target. Complete with easy-to-refill magazine that holds 20 marshmallows (not included). The barrel and magazine are top rack dishwasher safe. That’s a relief!

A barbeque branding iron: only $79.95. Now you can find out who’s been sneaking in your backyard and cooking on your grill. This stainless steel branding iron will personalize your steaks, burgers and chicken thighs, so everyone will know who to praise for a meat well done. If you want the custom cedar gift box, it’s only an extra $10.00.

Perhaps next time we’ll splurge and go first class. I’d love to see the handy trinkets in their seat pockets!




Jeanette Levellie writes humor and inspirational articles, columns, and books. You can find her on Facebook and http://jeanettelevellie.blogspot.com