by Adam Slade
Since it's January, and I'm approaching a big ole turn in the road that is my life (that there is an understatement), I thought I'd try and stick to some resolutions this year. Problem is that I'll fail. I always do, often catastrophically.
I always start with the best of intentions, but as many of you know, intentions are slippery little buggers. As soon as you turn your back, they've slipped out back for a smoke and a game of hacky sack. Damn hippies.
So, for your delight and delectation, I shall not only give you my list of resolutions, but also tell you how and when I will fail them. Partly because I like the sound of my own voice, and partly because Stacey said she'd hit me with a zombie if I don't do this or 'winter sports'. Pfft, please. I'm a writer. I don't do the S word.
Sports, not-- Never mind.
Where was I? Oh.
1. Write a bare minimum of 2,000 words a day. (Facebook, Twitter and emails to celebrities do not count.)
This will be failed on January the fourth at around three thirty in the afternoon, when I look at how much I've done so far and think, "Awesome! That's nearly ten percent of a first draft right there! That deserves a day or twelve of browsing the internet while listening to geeky podcasts." Some guilt will be felt.
2. Get fit, in readiness for my trip across the high seas. Well, 30,000 feet above 'em anyway.
On January the 17th, after more than two weeks of walking around the block and pedalling on the cross trainer, I'll decide it's rather cold outside/in the garage, and my time would be much better spent eating chocolate. After all, it's been a long time since I've had a cold, and I don't want to push my luck. There will be a little guilt, but that's what the chocolate is for.
3. Read more books in genres other than fantasy and comedy to expand writing horizons. Note - Cereal boxes do not count.
"Where the hell are the dragons/magical swords/turnips?!" Date of failure - January first. Guilt will last the time it takes to open a real book.
Thankfully it's the thought that counts. Right?
RIGHT?!?!
Happy New Year, peeps.
Adam
Hm, your resolutions and projected dates of failure are eerily similar to mine. O.o
ReplyDeleteWe haz skillz. ;)
ReplyDeleteAdam
First, I am surprised to find that you are a disgruntled housewife (as the title of the blog suggests) :P
ReplyDeleteBut regardless of my changed perception of you, still enjoyed the article.
I am not always good with my yearly resolutions and goals, but always positive in the beginning, so I am still hoping 2011 will be a good one. Let's see what happens when the year starts looking not-so-12-months-long.
Now go read a newspaper, if cereal box isn't around :-)
It's the disgruntled part, right? ;)
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks! ;-)
Adam
I think those are quite respectable goals. You can do eet!
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year!
Too late, failed 'em. ;-)
ReplyDeleteAdam
That was only 3 resolutions. Where are your other 7?
ReplyDeleteFunny stuff, Adam! Happy New Year!
7 more?!?!
ReplyDeleteARGH!
Adam
Love it!! I want to resolve to fail early so I can get the inevitable over with! LOL!
ReplyDeleteIt's what winners do. ;-)
ReplyDeleteAdam
Congratulations, you are the first person I have heard of who can predict, before or after, the date he or she breaks resolutions.
ReplyDelete*Takes a bow*
ReplyDeleteThanks! :-)
Adam
Great. Now I find out the way I've been coming up with my spectacular word count is all wrong. . .
ReplyDeleteFunny stuff, Adam!
Wait-- how are you an Erma??? What's this Adam doing on here????? Who do you know at the top?
ReplyDelete"Damn hippies!" ROFL! I love this post. And who says cereal boxes don't count?
ReplyDeleteAmy - Thanks! :)
ReplyDeleteSparkling - Jason Tudor and I are the token males. ;)
Beth - I do! :P
Adam