by Jennifer Caddell
On the first day after Christmas, my family gave to me,
Crumpled wrapping paper under the tree.
On the second day after Christmas, my family gave to me,
Two cookie crumbs,
And crumpled wrapping paper under the tree.
On the third day after Christmas, my family gave to me,
Three days to prepare for New Year’s Eve,
Two cookie crumbs,
And crumpled wrapping paper under the tree.
On the fourth day after Christmas, my family gave to me,
Four calling in-laws,
Less than three days to prepare for New Years Eve,
Two cookie crumbs,
And crumpled wrapping paper under the tree.
On the fifth day after Christmas, my family gave to me,
FIVE LOADS OF LAUNDRY!
Four calling in-laws,
Wishing I had three days to prepare for New Year’s Eve,
Two cookie crumbs,
And crumpled wrapping paper under that tree.
On the sixth day after Christmas, my family gave to me,
Six bottles of champagne,
FIVE LOADS OF LAUNDRY!
Four calling in-laws,
Three drunks on New Year’s Eve,
Two cookie crumbs,
And crumpled wrapping paper under that tree.
On the seventh day after Christmas, my family gave to me,
Seven bottles of Aspirin,
Six empty bottles of champagne,
FIVE MORE LOADS OF LAUNDRY!
Forget those calling in-laws,
Wishing it was still New Year’s Eve,
Two cookie crumbs,
And crumpled wrapping paper under that damn tree!
On the eighth day after Christmas, my family gave to me,
8am school bus is leaving,
Seven bottles of Aspirin,
Six empty bottles of champagne in the recycling bin,
STILL WORKING ON THOSE FIVE LOADS!
Ignoring all phone calls,
Burning three photos taken during New Year’s Eve,
Two cookie crumbs,
And crumpled wrapping paper under that damn tree!
On the ninth day after Christmas, my family gave to me,
Nine spinning classes,
8am school bus leaving,
Seven bottles of Aspirin,
Six bottles of vitamin water,
FINALLY DONE WITH THAT LAUNDRY!
Still ignoring the phone calls,
Keeping resolutions from New Year’s Eve,
Two stale cookie crumbs,
And crumpled wrapping paper under that damn tree!
On the tenth day after Christmas, my family gave to me,
Ten pounds to lose,
Nine spinning classes,
8am school bus leaving,
Seven bottles of Advil, (muscles ache!)
Six cups of coffee,
ANOTHER FIVE LOADS OF LAUNDRY!
Four calls to my mother,
Three days keeping those New Year’s Eve resolutions,
Two tasty looking stale cookie crumbs,
And crumpled wrapping paper under a brown tree.
On the eleventh day after Christmas, my family gave to me,
Eleven minutes of rocking and mumbling to myself in a corner,
Still ten pounds to lose,
Not doing anymore spinning classes,
8am school bus leaving,
Seven bottles of Advil,
Six jiggers of Baileys in my coffee,
BURNING FIVE LOADS OF LAUNDRY!
Four calls to the fire department,
Three firemen arrive,
Two tasty cookie crumbs,
And I used that wrapping paper to light the flames.
On the twelfth day after Christmas, my family gave to me,
Twelve boy scouts collecting that brown tree!
Eleven minutes of rocking and mumbling,
More than ten pounds to lose,
No more spinning classes,
8am school bus leaving,
Seven bottles of Advil,
Six cups of Baileys, no coffee,
NO MORE CLOTHES TO WEAR!
Four calls from the psychiatrist,
Three days on Prozac,
Two licks on the cookie plate,
And only a few pine needles left of that brown tree.
Jennifer Caddell is often found in her office conjuring up science fiction stories, writing poetry or hiding in a corner while her children are looking for her. She blogs about food, crafts, and writing at her new site http://colanderhat.wordpress.com
How funny. And true. I don't miss those days. We let the kids "do" Christms now. Their houses, their messes.
ReplyDeleteOh, that sounds dreamy! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteThis is so funny. I sort of miss the stress of all the things Christmas. Our son is grown and now lives in another state. What I like about this is it is visual to me. Thanks for the laugh.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for the sweet comment!
ReplyDeleteCute! Nice play-by-play! (Except the 10 lbs of course ;)
ReplyDeleteThe much less eagerly anticipated 12 days ;) Very cute!
ReplyDeleteThe laundry! I think that's what Santa hauls down the chimney in that sack of his!
ReplyDelete