New monthly feature: Erma interviews! First up: Beth Bartlett

Welcome, readers! We're trying something new at Ermas starting this month: Each month, we'll pick two Ermas and conduct a short interview with them. We'll do our best to keep these interviews serious and on-topic, but...well. They're Ermas. ;)

Our first guinea pig interviewee: Beth Bartlett!

How are you feeling right now, Beth?

Right now, amused. Watching reruns of Big Bang Theory.

1. Well, focus. The interview is starting. ;) Please introduce yourself and tell us why you wanted to be an Erma.

I’m a freelance writer specializing in business travel and tourism articles, although under my work clothes is the baggy superhero costume of a humorist. Under that, there are some Spanx that could blow any second. I wanted to be an Erma so I could work with the very talented and savvy Stacey Graham, and because I knew a regular humor gig would stretch my writing muscles. I’ve always been a big Erma Bombeck fan, and I enjoy taking that to the next level with my fellow writers and readers.

2. I understand you write smart-alecky horoscopes with chilling accuracy. (I might have made that last part up.) Tell us about that.

When I was in elementary school, I told kids’ fortunes by copying the horoscopes out of the National Enquirer and selling them their own horoscope for a buck a pop. Today I write a newspaper funny horoscope column for the Lovely County Citizen and for the web. The first endeavor was much more profitable. I do have an alarming number of folks who tell me they plan their life by weekly horoscopes from Wisecrack Zodiac. I ask that they please don’t do that, since they could find themselves with a live ferret in their underwear and a really embarrassing video on YouTube.

3. What do you do want to be when you grow up?

Someone much better, braver and cooler than I am now. Currently I am a dorkasaurus.

4. I can certainly relate. *ahem* You are a geek. As a fellow geek, I can say that. Tell us about the Geek Book of Days.

The Geek Book of Days is a project I began more than a year ago chronicling nerdy holidays. I love that there is a weird, geeky thing to celebrate every day of the year, from the anniversary of the first PC to Nathan Fillion’s birthday. I started a website detailing a week’s worth of weirdness at a time, so I can share my geeky obsession with the masses. You’re welcome, masses.

5. What’s the most unusual payoff you’ve received from writing humor? 

When I was a 9-to-5 drone, I wrote a ribald poem about P.M.S. and our female-packed office in one of those “Office of the Day” radio contests. I won us a free pizza, but the male DJs were too chicken to read the poem on the air. If they had, I suspect we would have received free chocolate and red wine, too. 

6. Wimps. Anyway, any last words?

Sure, I have several last words. Here are some of my favorite conversation-enders:

“So there.”

“I bet you won’t stick your tongue in THAT again.”

“You know, these nuclear holocausts wouldn’t happen if I quit cooking and we turned the kitchen into a library.”

Profound words, indeed. Thanks for being courageous enough to go first, Beth! 

You can visit Beth at the aforementioned Pure Geek website, or at her personal writing site.

And don't forget to join us on the 14th, when we dissect interview Pauline Campos!