Water makes me poop.

by Julie Fletcher

For some, water can be fatal.

My 3-year-old son enlightened me to the danger. If not for him- I may be in critical condition, right now.

Yesterday my husband and I had decided it was time to pull the soft drink I.V. drip to the 3 year old. Go ahead and tell me of the evils of pop. When you're done, I'll let Rob Jr give you a run down on what's wrong with water. Trust me- after you hear his lecture, you'll run right out to buy him a 20 oz bottle, if only to get him to shut up.

Normally I am very proud of my children's eating habits. They eat tomatoes like apples, beg for salad and think broccoli is a treat. How often do you hear kids fight over the broccoli stem? We're not even vegetarians, so hush your filthy mouth, now. I love my bacon. Try to take my steak and you'll end up with a bloody nub. Don't even tell me how the cow suffered for my tastebuds, I was born and raised a farm girl, raised my own cows, and ATE them. Pass me the A1, Skippy.

Whoa. /rant.

Back to the deadly water.

So yesterday Jr asks for a drink. I get him some water. The next thing I know the little man is yelling at me. "No, no water! Water is nasty."

"Water is not nasty, honey. It makes you grow."

"No. NO water. It makes me throw up."

"Honey, it does not. Now drink your water."

He gave me a look that made it pretty clear what he thought I could do with both myself and the water. Later I offered him water again. This time I was informed, "Water makes me poop." After some coaxing, he drank it. I mean, really. Water makes him poop? God forbid the Zombie Apocalypse happens and this kid can't find Pepsi. Maybe he can poop the zombies to death.

The biggest problem was that he'd seen the bottles of Pepsi his dad had stashed. Honest, you cannot have Pepsi inside of this house- the kid can smell it. Upstairs and in a hidden closet- he just knows.

I was feeling pretty good about everything this morning though. He came into the kitchen while I made breakfast- asked for drink. Gave him water, no complaints. SCORE! Battle won.

"Mommy what you cookin'?"

"Pancakes, hun."

"Pancakes make me die."


  1. Pancakes make me die, too. Wait, no they don't.

  2. Haha, great post! :-)

    During the day, I drink nothing but water and tea. I'm happy to report regularity. :P


  3. The title had me alone. Awesome post!

  4. @Harley- You sure you aren't one of the Undead Pancake Legion?

    @Adam- I'm not too sure how to reply, except, Jamie Lee Curtis must be proud of you.

    @Jana- Thank you!

  5. Argh, my replies to you all didn't post

  6. Pancakes don't make you die. It's the syrup that's the silent killer! (And tell me why kids will eat the same them every single day until you find it on sale and stockpile it in the garage? Then it might as well be radioactive, 'cause they're not touching it.) Wonderful post, Julie.

  7. Ack! Same "thing" not same "them." I'm going to go eat pancakes.

  8. Oh, too funny! He's going to be a lawyer for sure.

  9. That is so cute!! I love it!!

  10. I love this kid. Pancakes make me die. they give me tummy cramps too. Tell him at my house, he can have all the pepsi he wants. :)

  11. Funny kid! And I agree--great attorney material!

  12. LOL. Pancakes make me ecstatic. I'll take his.

  13. haha.. the little guy may be on to something. water makes me poop too! especially very cold water. just after a few minutes of drinking cold water, i feel the grumble in my tummy. i actually accidentally got to this post while i was googling "water makes me poop". i'm trying to find out why this happens. i'll come back to this post with answers.. :D
    *gone googling*


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