8.02.2010

Secret Snacker

by Janna Qualman

Mine is a family of four, and we are snackers.

My husband likes the baked goods: Cookies, breads, muffins. My oldest, who's seven, likes chips and fruit and stuff with peanut butter. The baby, she's five, she (really really) likes cold cereal.

Me? I like junk food. But I don't like to share. This is why I've become... the secret snacker.

Oh sure, I'll let my kids have a S'more. I don't deny them. But then I'll send 'em off to play, hunker with my back to the door, ears trained beyond, so that I can have two.

Occasionally I'll stock up on candy, my favorites. Dark chocolate, a Kit Kat, maybe a Skor toffee bar or Riesen chocolate caramels. They get hidden away into a pencil box in my office, a place no one would ever think to look. *evil laugh*

I've been known to hold Nutter Butters or salt-and-vinegar Pringles behind my back, shifting the goods when I turn corners, as I make my way through the house.

Just the other night, I dumped a large bag of M&M's into a Country Crock butter bowl. Snapped the lid on tight, and transferred it to the space beneath my desk. Oh, yes. Because no kindergartner's going to think twice about that...

And then there are the nights I tuck my kids into bed, hover until I know they're sleeping, and hurdle to the kitchen for a single-serve microwaveable Betty Crocker Warm Delights brownie. (Those suckers are good.)

Mine. All mine.

Because I am the secret snacker. The swiss cake roll I've got right here, that I'm going to eat the second you look away from this post, proves it.

Janna is a freelance and women's fiction writer. You can see more of her at Something She Wrote.

32 comments:

  1. You're making me hungry. Luckily, I have brownies in a tupperware container next to the keyboard. (Stay back!)

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  2. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone!

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  3. Anyone who lives with another human (maybe even with a pet) knows you have to ave a stash. Someone could get hurt when the right snacks are gone and they give you that dumb look accompanied with "Wha?". Grrr!

    Giggles and Guns

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  4. Oh wow-- I'm coming to your house and now I know to look for that crock:)

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  5. I'm with Terri, it sounds like your house is the place to be... maybe I'll be the late night secret snacker, we'll take shifts!!

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  6. Oh, Janna, thanks for the ideas! Although I don't have kids around the house, I have a prickly conscience who thinks I'm on a diet; I believe the pencil box and butter tub may fool even her...

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  7. Honey always askes me to hide the snacks. I hide them so good even I can't find them! Then when I DO find them, they don't always taste so good anymore. It's my dieting strategy!

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  8. Wow! IF we had stashes at our house, dog Laura would dig 'em up and then we'd have---
    HUGE VET BILLS!!!

    Kit Kat lover too!

    P

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  9. I like the peanut butter pretzels dipped in choclate. Good stuff. Goes well in the afternoon and evening. Paired with Coca cola its a writer's snack any day of the week.

    Stephen Tremp

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  10. Can I come to your house? Sounds oh, so good!
    -FringeGirl

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  11. I've given some serious thought to becoming a secret snacker! Especially when every time I go for a granola bar they're always GONE!!

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  12. Too funny! And so sadly true. I've even gone so far as to get the generic stuff for my kids, and then hide the "goods" for later when they're occupied. : )

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  13. It's nice to hear I'm not alone in the snack department. Now I'm hungry for...Nutter Butter!

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  14. It sounds like a toast is in order!

    *raises Reese's peanut butter cup*

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  15. I hide things in a cupboard for just such a chocolate emergency. :O)

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  16. Oh, a Secret Snacker club! I give out peanut M&Ms to the neighborhood kids, but always find myself popping one or two or ten into my mouth after they leave.

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  17. I'm a mid-night snacker-sipper...I snack 'n' sip anything cold and sweet...cold coffee, "fresh lime sweet" (that's fresh lemon juice with sugar)!! But I've got to stop it now...doc's orders.."Reduce!"

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  18. Yup. Gotcha. We're from the same chapter, that Sisterhood of Those who Snack Furtively and Don't Share.

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  19. Oh Janna, I'm there with you!

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  20. We would be great snacking buddies!!

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  21. Okay, so I did this too when my kids were younger, but I didn't think to use a Country Crock container to hide the M&M's! Pure genius.
    Blessings,
    Karen:)

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  22. LOL, you have the same hiding places as me! DH is partial to M&M peanuts, so I buy him a pack. This way I can buy myself two packs of the ordinary, one to share, knowing he will decline as he has his own.*greedy giggle*. The other I hide for my quiet moment while writing. :)

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  23. ROFL!! I love the image of you hiding things behind your back as you turn the corner.

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  24. LOL!!! I am a secret snacker, too! Just yesterday, I nearly snapped my son's arm off for eating my individually-wrapped Oreo! (I would have sewn it back)

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  25. I love your stealthiness with the Country Crock tub! I love snacking. I try to keep an emergency stash of chocolate somewhere in my office!

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  26. Oohhh, I almost got busted just now. I was sneaking some M&M's, and my daughter sneaked up the stairs. I tucked them away just in time, but it was almost a disaster!

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  27. I love this post! I hide stuff in my writing desk drawer, even though it's just hubby and me. All these comments remind me of the old song, "Junk Food Junkie!"

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  28. OMG those brownies sound good. I do my secret snacking in the car... and throw the paper away in the bin when I get home. No one knows!! Yippee. xx

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  29. I am with you all on this--at least as a chip and cookie snacker.

    The Mrs. was not real happy when I got the twins hooked on salt and vinegar chips at age 3--those tattletails.

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  30. I'm totally starving! I'll just reach into the fake printer here on my desk and pull out *what's that?!" a handful of little Reese Cups. Mmmmmm.

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  31. Can't write. I need to go find the cheese puffs I hid from my husband.

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