Christmas Monster

By Lisa Dovichi

Yes. I did it. I created the monster. It was an accident, I swear -- I had no idea it would turn out this way.

Let me explain.

A couple of months ago, in preparation for the Christmas toy overload, I started telling 3ft, my five-year-old, to “put it on his Christmas List” whenever he asked for toys while we were out shopping. I thought I’d scored on genius when 3ft happily went along with it and it got me out of having to buy a toy without having to use my fall back of, “You’re not old enough for that one,” -- using the age suggestions on the package to deny my child the toy. I have a backbone, really, but it’s easier to avoid the whining, pleading, begging, and unavoidable crying by using the age card.

Suddenly everything was going on his Christmas List -- and I mean everything. Every infomercial (like the giant cupcake mold and one each of the Pillow Pets), every toy, every game, even toiletries (what’s a five-year-old need with a little nose and ear hair remover gadget, I ask?) were being added to the list. Granted some of the items make a mother ask, “Where did I go wrong?” but in and of itself this list isn’t a big deal. I can handle a ginormous list. I make one every year myself.

Except for…

Somewhere, somehow, it got lost in translation that just because it’s on a Christmas List doesn’t mean you’re going to get it. My child thinks that Santa is going to bring him everything on that list. I’ve talked myself blue in the face that the list just gives Santa, friends, and family ideas on what to get you for Christmas based off of stuff you want. He just smiles angelically and tells me he knows he’ll get everything because he’s been such a good boy this year. Now I ask you, how do you fight with that logic?


You’d do as I did and tell him, “But honey our house isn’t big enough to hold it all.” I have a backbone. Really.

Photo credit: janeheller.mlblogs.com


  1. Hehehehe

    Sounds like a smart kid to me. :D


  2. Oh! I'm in a similar spot with MY 5yo. Maybe it's their reasoning skills at this age? I've tried to tell her the same thing, that not everything on the list will be here Christmas morning. She'll learn a lesson all said and done, I just hope not to disappoint her too much in the process.

  3. "Santa's sack has to hold all the present for all the world's children. If he brings all that he'll have to leave out other children's presents, and then they'd have nothing on Christmas."


  4. *shew* Janna, I'm glad I'm not the only one with a Christmas List Monster. LOL Here's to hoping it all works out in the end *raising glass of milk* LOL

    Adam, yeah smart and GREEDY!! LOL But then I pretty much think it's all 5 year olds. :D

  5. I've got one of those Christmas monsters! He's twenty two. (Adam--that's exactly what my mama told me!)

  6. Oh dear. Can you keep rolling them over from year to year, like we do with chores? Then by the time he's twenty-five, he can buy them for himself?

    Sigh. We do get ourselves in pickles when we try to be Santa...

    My mama told me, "It's the thought that counts!"

  7. Amy! LOL! I have a 23 year old monster! Lisa, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the Christmas Monster only gets bigger and more gnarly every year. The list might get a bit shorter, but the sum at the bottom will quadruple.


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