Hole in the Wall

by Sara Spock

My kitchen is a dump. A stained-linoleum, holes in the walls, unpatched drywall, no cabinets, exposed electrical, dangling insulation, 1980’s particle board nightmare variety dump. And oh yeah, we made it that way. We are in the middle of a massive renovation that includes tearing down walls, rerouting pipes, electrical, and sewer lines, and gutting the entire outdated kitchen in favor of a culinary foodie’s delight.

I daydream about nestling my stainless steel KitchenAid Pro into its position of honor on the buttery granite countertop with rich mocha accents that is currently being cut and ground to perfection. My little brown teapot will look like a luxury through the shining glass doors of the chocolate cherry cabinets that are en route from the manufacturer. My slate tiles lay in waiting under a tarp while we prepare for sub flooring. I have swatches of colors to coat the walls that were once wrapped in Formica panels and are now covered in yellowed remnants of liquid nails and collateral damage in the form of ragged holes. 

And who’s our contractor of choice? Who will lead us on this monumental adventure? I scoff in your general direction if you’re implying we need help! Hardcore Do-It-Yourselfers, we are! Never mind the fact that I’m 7 months pregnant, a full-time student, and part-time lab rat; that my husband has a more than full-time job; that the nursery is still an office, or that we have a four year old. We have 12 whole weeks to finish this fiasco. Twelve weeks to tile 400 square feet, hang more than 20 cabinets, install granite, under-cabinet lighting, a sink, disposal, stove, hood, and dishwasher, paint the walls, and reroute lighting.  

That whimpering you hear? It’s just the dog. Move along, now.  On your way out, would you mind hitting the lights? I can’t stand to look at this mess.

Sara Spock is a mom, wife, anthropology student, lab assistant, English tutor, and freelance writer.  Sara can be found hiding from her remodeling projects at the Sex Lab.  No, that’s not what we’re calling it these days.


  1. I'll pack up my tool bag and head your direction shortly. Not that you need help :-)

  2. You're my role model! Your kitchen looks fab.

  3. I'm envious of the skillz you have to figure out what you need and to tear everything out. I can tear stuff up, mind you, but not out.

  4. Sara, this brought back memories of me at 7 mos. along (on bedrest, also with a 4-year old) and hubby nail-gunning at all hours in the attic above--trying to finish up the new master suite so the 4-yr. old could move out of the nursery into his own bedroom before baby Lindsay arrived (4 weeks early...but don't get nervous).

    It got done, though not exactly on schedule. But it was a fair enough job that it made the front page of the Home and Garden section of the Dallas Morning News. (I sent in pics and story without him knowing.)

    Hope all goes well and remember, this, too, shall pass. ;D

  5. I'd come help, but if you read my last Erma post, you'll know that's probably not a good thing. ;)


  6. Adam & Amy, LOL! Don't get together on any home improvement projects!

    Pat, how crazy. I always notice parallels between myself and people I've formed connections with. You're no exception. Thanks for the advice. I'm trying to breathe through it ;-)

  7. Oh my... It sounds like it'll be beautiful when it's finished!


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