Shouting Food

by Jeanette Levellie

           Red potato salad with green onions shouted at me a few days ago, demanding I ask my husband to make a batch. I was quick to obey. Since Kevin has perfected this recipe to an art form, he was eager to assist me in indulging the food voices.

            Don’t pretend you don’t hear them, too. When you are reading in bed at night, the chips you hid from your kids holler to you from the sock drawer.  You make sure no lights are oozing from under closed bedroom doors before you slip the drawer open and ease the bag out.  You even place each chip on your tongue lightly, allowing it to soak in before biting down. You can’t risk waking anyone with loud crunching.  Those chips are yours, all yours.

            And we’re all familiar with singing ice cream, chattering cookies, hollering pizza, and humming donuts.  They sneak up behind us as we drive to work, write emails, and watch TV.  No activity is sacred to these tormenting treats.

            Right before we went to sleep last night, one accosted me. “I wish we had some dark chocolate truffles,” I said to Kev.

            “Sorry, hon.  We have Girl Scout Cookies in the pantry. Do you want me to get you some?”

            I sighed.  “No; thanks anyway.  I’ve had enough sweets today. I just wanted to entertain my tongue.  I need to say “no” more often to screaming food.”

            “Good for you, Jeanette. The Apostle Paul would be proud of you for keeping your body under control.  G’nite.”

            “Wait,” I said as I flipped my bedside lamp back on. “I didn’t say I was cutting out snacks forever; only that I’d had enough sweets for one day. Can you please get me a bowl of that red potato salad?”   

“Nutty with a dash of meat” best describes Jeanette Levellie’s speaking, writing and life. She has published hundreds of humor/inspirational columns, articles, greeting cards, and poems. A spunky pastor’s wife, Jeanette is the mother of two, grandmother of three, and waitress to four cats. Find her mirthful musings at www.jeanettelevellie.com.


  1. All salads hiss like an evil serpent but a nice juicy steak can seduce me with its sultry voice everytime.

  2. I love this Jeanette! Read part of this to my daughter; we both had to laugh. Just the other day we were discussing the donut that was calling her name. You are correct. It happens all the time around here. Aiming for a better balance, but oh so glad to know I am not alone!

  3. Karen: Oh, donuts are shrillest screamers, aren't they? We drove by a new bakery this morning on our way to work and I could hear their shouts from the highway!

  4. Food.....YUM! It speaks to me all the time. Sometimes I'm not sure who's calling me so I have to taste test my way through the kitchen until I find the culprit! :O)

  5. I was a little disturbed to realize just how far the screams reach....I just have to get in the general neighborhood of the grocery store and the pretzel M&Ms start a-wailin' !

  6. Haha, I think salty chips speak my language--would eat those with every meal.

  7. It's nearly impossible to drive past a Starbucks without rescuing that white mocha that's in distress. It's safe in my BMV (Blue Mommy Van)...yes...very safe. :)

  8. Diane: Oh, I like your method of equality for all foods!

    Sarah: Yes, I think the more sugar a food has, the greate its lung capacity...

    SD: I work with a lady whose husband is addicted to those; he likes the crinkly kind.

    Rhonda: I wonder how safe, if it's in YOUR care...

  9. My hubby is the potatoe salad lover. Me, salsa or chocolate. :P

  10. Ah . . . ice cream for me.


  11. Just love mangoes. Too bad it takes too long them cut them! But just bought a new mango cutter!


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