They Shall Own The World

As I sip on my coffee the dulcet tones of small children seep through the walls of my home office. Sweet music to a smiling, relaxed mother ready to start the workday. Ah...working from home is so rewarding.

Yeeeeah. Right.

I would love to meet that work at home mom- and strangle her. Behind every smiling picture of some hot stay at home mommy is a cracked-out sister in law that has a way with make-up. A gaggle of snot-nosed kids and a husband that's still whining because he hasn't gotten any for a few days. Hello, Sunshine, if you'd stop reading the erotica I'm writing, you wouldn't be so horny. Get away from me with that- we have enough children. K? Thanks.

Lately The DirtMonkies (tm) have decided that they would rather play computer games than let mom or dad work. While it is great that the 3 year old can navigate the WWW as good as his parents, it bothers me that my 5 year old found commands for World of Warcraft that I didn't even know about. There's something sinister about a cherub faced princess that comes up beside you while you're desperately trying to kill a plauge-ridden beast and says : "Mom, you're doing it wrong. Don't you think you should try the 0/0/71 Destro build? Your warlock sucks."

With a loving pat to the head, I smiled, thanked her, then sent her to watch Scooby-Doo. Later that night, whilst my little cuddly baby was deep in slumber, I rebuilt my character to her specifications. I then promptly blew the hell out of any rotten-fleshed baddie that I came across. Plus a few bunnies. Genius, that child is, pure genius. I'm a little scared that I may be raising a super-villan. Or a whole fortress of them, though I am quite sure that the 5 year old will be the head of their organization.

If you're not very familiar with those types of computer games I'll shed a little light on this. The above has been debated on Blizzard's (the makers of WoW) forums and many other forums across the web. There are entire websites devoted to the very best 'build' for killing monsters and such. Adults write lengthy guides and How-To's on how to skin a chicken in WoW. My little one knew instinctively that burning the crap out of anything as fast as possible was the best way to go.

Lately Lucas, the 1 year old, has been crawling onto my computer chair and tapping on the keyboard. I think he's ready to write for Cracked.com. That or he's sending out some sort of signal to the rest of BabyLand.

"The adults are busy. Sister created diversion. Drop diaper bombs. NOW."

Speaking of which, I smell something and it ain't my coffee. Peace!