by Kathy Tirrell
One hot summer night, my sisters and I were sitting around munching Doritos and M&M's when the subject of Barbie came up. As the mother of one daughter with a very extensive Barbie collection, I was naming off all the dolls I could remember. You know the typical ones: Ballerina Barbie, Malibu Barbie, Prom Queen Barbie, Princess Barbie, and all the other similar slim-figured girly ones. We all agreed we were sick and tired of her squeaky-clean image and decided it was time for a personality change.
So, with tongue firmly in cheek, I propose the following new line of Barbie dolls, certain to give little girls (and all of us) a whole new perspective.
BARROOM BRAWLIN' BARBIE
Clad in leather jacket, tight blue jeans and white tee shirt. Tattoo on each arm. This Barbie doesn't take any crap from anybody! Accessories include pool cue, table and perhaps a few chains.
BEEN AROUND THE BLOCK BARBIE
(Sorry, Ken, there HAVE been others)
Clad in skimpy little skirt, halter top, fishnets, and high heels. Pull her string and she says things like, "Lookin' for a good time?"
Accessories not needed.
BILLY RAY BARBIE
Okay, you've seen him, are you ready for HER?
Clad in casual, cut-off sleeves top, white sneakers and tight blue jeans(mix 'n match with Brawlin' doll).
Comes with microphone, guitar, comb and mirror. Pull her string and she sings:
"Don't tell my Ken, I'm on the road again" (variation of Achy Breaky Heart song with additional lyrics by Willie Nelson.)
BOARDROOM BOSSIN' BARBIE
Clad in navy blue pinstriped suit, white dress shirt and tie.
Accessories include glasses, briefcase, and extra-strength Excedrin.
Barbie's in charge, watch out!
(Ken doll can be purchased separately as Barbie's secretary.)
And finally, all jokes aside, there's:
BE TRUE TO YOURSELF BARBIE
Wears whatever outfit YOU want her to wear.
Says what YOU program her to say.
Comes in all colors, all races, all shapes and sizes.